A Mi

I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window while walking down 1st Ave. The glass glimmers a strange goldy-green and my reflection slinks across from pane to pane. Why do they always have the skinniest manikins downtown? Ugh...

The flashing orange hand stops me from crossing the street. Glancing around, I notice a beggar approaching. They always stink, you know. And they look at you with those eyes that say "I know you think I'm a douche but look at me - I want you to feel something for me so I can have your cash. I am your problem right now. Make me go away by giving me some money."

A really tall man reaches over and puts a few coins in the guy's jar! Who falls for this stuff? Passing on guilt perhaps?

The city is a strange place to me. I hate what I love. I mean, I love the things that I hate most about it. I mean, I ... I ... I really actually do like the things I hate about the city! How is that possible! But it is.

The light changes to a white pedestrian and I cross, one clumpy step at a time. Ah, peace from parade. The march of several surrounding people is comforting, don't you find? Like sometimes the steps we march, we march together! mmmhM that's good marching.

A short woman in front of me drops her tote bag to the ground and I hear a glass shatter. A sudden congestion in the sidewalk traffic permits me enough time to see that it is in fact a shattered glass vase and that the woman looks very disappointed.

"Shit!" I hear her curse. "Shit, ah...."

She tucks away her cell phone and begins to study the broken glass like it is a crime scene. Nothing is to move. No one is to be near it. Her face is mimicking those who endure much pain and suffering. It's a tummy ache face. A bad one.

I look at her and she looks at me. "I just ruined it! I was gonna give it to my niece for her birthday! And I can't afford another." Her expression turns to shame and she shifts her weight jaggedly on her pointy and very shiny and very pretty three inch red heels. Her jeans are the skinny dark denim kind... I bet they're midnight lapis. The shoes look great with her jeans. And I bet she just came from the salon, her hair is very flowy and bright and awesome.

The traffic jam of people has moved on and I squeeze through two men in leather jackets. My nose detects a strong cologne. Ew. Dude you're not in high school anymore. A little too much smell, don't cha think!!?

I quicken my pace and avoid the olfactory assault. Phew!



-----------
That was me three months ago.

Now I live on the street and ask snobby people like that for change.

What happened?

Well, I hit some bad luck and rather than running to my family for help I decided to test my street character. Because we're only who we are due to who we surround ourselves by.

So on the street, I'm someone different from the old me. I can look people in the eye. I can feel sorrow for strangers. I can smile at simple things. Sometimes the pigeons. Sometimes apples. Oh yes, the apples! Lest we forget! Do you know how good an apple tastes when you live on 1st Ave? (Like, litterally ON the pavement.) It. Tastes. AMAZING! An apple. Yeah, an awesome man gave me a fresh apple the other day . . .

I've almost had it with street life though, you know. It's great for some things but I miss the regular things I had. I miss the comfort of a chair. I miss the luxury of a hot bath. I get nostalgic the instant I hear people chatting about where they're going for lunch. I miss having a bed at night. A pillow to cushion my head. A heater to turn on at night if it's cold. A bathroom to call my own. I miss so much...


But you know, I feel I am a better person for trying it out, accepting the street for what it is. A hair trap. We're not quite down the drain yet. We're not gone yet! Ain't no shame once you're in it and no one even recognizes ya. I watched three friends on separate occasions walk right by me -- right by my, like inches away -- and not notice.

It's been only three months. I'm pretty sure I've lost a lot of weight. Some of it was probably necessary weight though. I feel pretty sick sometimes. I feel my stomach growl and gurgle when I try to rest. It's rare that I *don't* have a head ache, back ache, knee ache. My eye sight seems to suck a little more. Not sure if that's from diet change or from lack of proper rest. Matter of fact, they're probably all related issues.

I was going to give my parents a ring and see if they'd let me move back in for a while. They'll fuss over me until I'm back to where I once was, I'm sure. Career-focused, healthy, ambitious...

Maybe I'll try this out for a bit longer. I like when I can do nothing. I like not having normal worries. Not worrying about my car insurance, when my last hair cut was, who I need to call before they're gone on vacation.

Like I said, the city is a strange place for me. Always will be. It's where people are. And people are strange. Because they're interesting. Which makes them strange. And annoying and yet, also perfect. I don't know how long I'll be in the city before I figure out whether I like it or hate it. But I know I'm not leaving til I know! That's for sure.

Now... back to by begging. Go on. Get! You're ruining my chances while you stand here looking like you care. Give me your damn nickel and move it!

Sick Day. Let's Make Lemonade...

With so many people sick with the flu these days (myself included, ugh) I thought it might be handy to make a list of things to do when you're feeling crummy for more than a few days (aka. movie's ain't gonna do it alone).

1 - Catching up on artists. This has been ample time to go check out what's new on a lot of their sites!

2 - Shop. Oh yes, Christmas is coming. Or maybe a treat will cheer you up. Need mittens? What's the scoop on winter boots? Whatever the excuse, online window browsing is actually fun (and addicting - be careful! ha).

3 - Games. Recently I've been playing Scrabble vs computer on my iPhone. Or you may choose to read strategies on games you play. It's time to climb the gaming ladder!

4 - Think. How often do you set aside time to think? Not chillax or waste time or hang out... Just think. Brain. In motion. Pick something -ANYTHING- and twist it up with your thoughts and questions...... Then go read about it, maybe you just came up with a cool new idea!

5 - Clean. Organizing things is a mental exercise. Stay away from cleaners though, the smell may become irritating to a sore throat.


Well, that's my advice & approach so far. I hope my sick days are coming to a close... All you fellow flu fighters -- GET WELL SOON!

Window Sill Vendetta

They always get so dirty! And I mean, it's not fair. I don't even touch them! >:O

Counters, fine. Be dirty. I drop jam on you all the time. But Window Sill, I've had enough of your grime!

I need a ___

I need a t-shirt.
I need a pair of shorts.
I need a hat...

And then I need the rain rain to go away!

Night Alone, part 3

Promises, promises, promises. They get us into trouble sometimes. And other times, they get us OUT of trouble.

This one promise I made -- I don't know which of the two categories it will fall into. But I was desperate! I have been mulling over the horrible situation that I was in that night. Well, that is, if it even frickn HAPPENED! That is still a question in my mind that I can only hope will never be answered.

What a haunting problem, this trick is, that my imagination may be causing. Or is it something outside of me? Are these memories real??

Oh my geez I cannot work off the assumption it isn't real. What would THAT do to the outcome?? I can't imagine right now..

Those whispers and the crow -- they are trouble. The whisperers had fought over which of two girls to bring back to this underground world, and from the spectral conversation I could make out, I understood that I was the Wrong one.

And now, what to do with the stupid Wrong girl ... hm?

I was pretty much on edge as they tore into each other, refereed only by the crow's pointed CAWs to reset the match that had become too dangerous.

But finally, the arguments seemed to end. I could feel the whispers float down and settle on either side of me. I was still pinned to the wall with little available range of motion. "Hey girl, we are going to need that promise now," the whisper to my right said.

"You have three years to find her," the left-side sentenced, scratching a number three outline into my neck. UGHhhh, disturbing!! I can still feel that chilling scrape... "It sounds a long time but be warned -- we will be back for you if you do not call us by then... And you do not want that," it hissed, "I promise!"

"Come on, we will take you back, girl." The right-side whisper seemed to be the friendlier of the two. Wet hands pressed down on my shoulders and I was freed of the uncompromising pin. But was the nicer to be remain that way? Hardly..!

A loud crack of thunder hit and shook the ground. I was yanked up off the ground and a stern voice ate the air around my face, "We can't afford another mistake!" Shaking its grip, the booming voice softened to a sly whisper, "For your sake, you better get it right."

"PROMISE!" The nasty screechy cry flew circles around my head and stopped suddenly in front of my face and at that moment -- although I wish I hadn't -- I SAW it. I saw the whisper. I saw it stop right there at my nose. And it expanded quickly to a giant decaying face, eyes sunken deep and dark into the white skull covered in rotting flesh and clumpy hair. "We share your sight girl!" it wailed. "You can have it back for now. Find the girl, you keep your sight. Now PROMISE!"

agh, and I did... I promised...! ugh... I don't know, I was desperate. The words escaped with the little air I had left. "I promise," I breathed. My face felt as cold as the whisperer's looked.

And before I could say anything more or even think about how I will find this GIRL they're talking about, I was thrown from the dreadful death grip! It was a free-fall sensation. My arms and legs were flailing, anticipating a landing at some awful point which would crush my existence into infinitely smaller morsels.

Down down and down ...

I faded to black. I disappeared. I went out of the reach of even my own mind. I don't know WHERE I was but it was quick and I found myself in my bedroom again. Tyler flicked on the lights "LEa are you okay!?" He stood in the doorway. It was like he just saw a ghost in my eyes, like I was a foreign being... "Lea!!! LEA??!! HELLO???"

My mouth hung open and I couldn't really talk. My hand lifted to my mouth and I felt my lips with sweaty fingertips. "I.. I ...."

Tyler rushed over to the bed beside me, "Lea it's okay. They visited me too. We have to find the girl. I thought they might've taken your voice or your pulse for good." He grabbed my hands, "Lea it's fine. We'll find her. I have some ideas."

"But... how did you ... how do you know about this?" I was so confused.

Tyler leaned in towards me and spoke quietly, "Lea they'll take you back if we don't find her ..." He looked into my eyes. Hey --I could see! I stared back at him, amazed that he was handling this in such a calm manner. "Lea I'm going to make sure we find her. The crow was your guide, he found you and thought you might be the right character to find the girl. They needed to bring SOMEONE back and since he couldn't find THE ONE, the crow tricked the whisperers into thinking it was you they needed. Then made them think they they were the ones who made the mistake... The whisperers are stupid pawns in it all, doing the initial scalping and yanking into the underground world some super powerful dude is hiding out in. I don't know who.. the crow wouldn't tell me."

ugh.. WHAT!? Why me??? "How did you talk to the crow??! It could only CAW." There were way to many questions I needed to ask and this is the first one that popped out... lame.

Tyler shook his head, "We share similar energy space or something he said... So he could talk to me. It was messed up, I was like WhatTheF*ck is a crow talking to me for!!? I was pretty freaked out, I can't remember exactly but Lea, it doesn't matter. We just need to find this girl and they'll be forgiven for extracting you momentarily, and you will not have to be taken away for good. Your eyes are THEIR eyes, Lea, so when you see her they'll see her too and they will come back to take her. But she has to look into your eyes so they can be sure it's her."

"WHAT?? TYLER! How am I gonna find her!?!?" It all started hitting me how ridiculous this was going to be. "I don't stand a chance!"

He kept repeated, "Don't worry, I have some ideas."

Oh Heaaaadache......

So this crow effed everything up! He decided I was an alright candidate for doing his job!!! Tricked the whisperers into getting me into the Superpower Evil Dude's hideout, where they were all in trouble when it was discovered I was the Wrong girl. UUUUGH. WHY ME! STUPID CROW!

So really strangely, Tyler now claims he does not recall this conversation! I can't even talk to him about it. He says I must've deliriously dreamt it all! It is really annoying.... LIke I said, I'm still not sure if it was real but how can I just pass it off as NOT real?? They'll be back and ugh, take me away I guess. You can't really imagine how sick I get worrying about what to do...

I wish I knew what IDEAS Tyler had. I should've asked while we were still chatting but that headache was horrible and I fell asleep again. If I tried to think, it pounded so I had to lay down like a vegetable and not move, not talk, not think about anything. I just lay there like a zombie until I fell asleep.

NOW what am I to do? I've been running through these thoughts and memories for a few days now. I might take a trip to try to "find" the girl. It just seems impossible though. The odds of success are barely above guaranteed failure... Maybe I should go on living as if it didn't happen. I could just stumble upon her... maybe...

>>>WHAT TO DO>>>....

Night Alone, part 2

Okay back to the story:

So there I was crawling around on wet grass, still no visibility. I heard a crow caw from above me, and it felt like an extension of my own abilities, like somehow I might be connected to it.. I wanted to hide but felt extremely exposed. No idea where I was. No idea who might be surrounding me.

The crow squawked a few more times until I noticed a warm wind picking up.

Warm wind, wet grass, being teleported out of my room by frickn whisperers.. Have I been drugged??? I honestly contemplated that for a few moments. Nah..

But where have the voices gone? And why can I not see!?

An agonizing headache quickly swallowed my brain and I could no longer give these questions any more attention. Oh it just *THRoBBed* with every pulse of my body. I grabbed the sides of my head and curled over into a child's pose.

I could FEEL that crow looking down at me. I just knew it must be staring down curiously, cawing and cawing, tweaking its head side to side...

My perception of space grew bigger and bigger. I imagined tall empty trees, hills and roads and valleys, vast dark skies, moon and stars beyond.. Gravity then sunk me lower and lower as the headache continued to pulverize my brain.

The whisperers were back and they were angry. It was a screaming and yelling argument. Oh what are they saying?? I could feel the whispers swirling around me, behind me, above me. There were sudden booms and deep growling sounds amidst the whispers as if they were fighting each other.

I remember looking up and feeling the ground soften and finally, it just entirely enveloped me! I couldn't SEE it but I just knew the ground above me had closed.. and I tried to scream for help but like a bad dream, no sound came out!

The crow cawed again, very near to me. The booming fighting whispers stopped and one of them spoke to my left ear again. "Do you know what she's done? She's messed it all up and we're in trouble now with..." The voice faded out and I couldn't make out the rest of what it said.

"... CAW" the crow interrupted and I was pushed to a wall, my shoulders pinned and I could hardly move at all.

Another voice swooped in beside me. Hi-pitched and afraid, it whined "It wasn't me, it was your fault you stupid girl!" And I received a slap to the face!! A cold hand smacked cleanly. It felt like my skin was corroded.

"... CAW" the crow interrupted once again and the whispers grew louder again to a swirling mess of argument!

BOom! CraCKKKKgh..! I could hear little sizzling crackles, no idea what was going on but they were definitely fighting again. YAIIIIIII!! one cried and everything suddenly stopped.

"She is stupid and you were the wrong girl. But now we have your sight and you cannot go back!" The whisper sat on my shoulder and a cold hand lifted my fingers. "You must stay here forever unless you promise one thing dear.." UghHHH that voice still lingers in my memories with goosebumps. hmm.. I feel like crying thinking of this again but no I must tell it all.

"You will survey the world for the one we seek and you will call us back when you find her." The whisper snarled and jumped off my shoulder.

The other voice swept up into the empty space and warned me, pinching my arm with its disgusting fingers, "You wanna live, you do it! We already have your sight but you can have it back now with this promise..."

"... CAW" the crow called the whispers to back off and I could hear the breathless void created as they flew away.

Oh damn. I have to head out to a soccer game. Umm.. I know the rest of this is gonna be difficult and tricky for me to tell but I think I have to let you know how it all ended so come back tomorrow and I'll spill it.

Eiiye..

Night Alone, part 1

Yesterday night, I went to bed irregularly early. It was a foggy evening, drizzling and a little warmer than normal, which was nice for my evening walk home from the bus. Warmth was enough to make my day.

But something so so strange happened in the night and I have been struggling all day to figure out if I dreamt it or this could have ACTUALLY happened...

At night I always brush my teeth before bed. I closed the bathroom door, finished flossing all my worries away, and reached into the drawer to grab the toothpaste when the lights flickered. I stopped. Looked up at them and they flickered again. I squinted. They continued flickering until one made this sizzling sound and burnt out.

Ah crap I hate burnt out lights. Why does that happen..

Owell, it was still light enough for me to see so I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

I turned out the bedroom lights, took the bobby pins outta my hair, and crawled into bed. It was so cold! Darn it winter is definitely on it's way.

So anyways, I layed down and rather than tossing and turning like I normally do I actually fell asleep immediately. And this is where I get confused...!

At some point in the night I woke up and heard whispering talking. I could not make out what was being said but it sounded like two people in trouble, trying to figure out what to do next.

I slowly sat up and looked around the room, usually the light shines in through the window from the parking lot outside... but there was no light. It was PITCH black. I felt around to the other side of the bed to wake Tyler up and he wasn't there!! Of*ck what the hell is going on, I thought. My heart jumped all over the damn place as I tried harder and harder to see. As open as I could make my eyes, it didn't make a difference --no sight.

I curled the blanket up to my nose and rested back on my elbow wondering what I should do. The whispers came back again, they were arguing. Something about an operation. And then you know what.. I felt a hand on my arm! It was cold and wet. I screamed and pulled away and tried SOO effing hard to see who it was but still --no sight! Great. I'm going to die.

Freaking out I started swinging my arms and turning in circles on the bed to fend off these whispering freaks!!! I could hear them still whispering and now they started laughing. Laughing at me??? I don't know but the laughing turned to cackling and it got really loud and eerie.

The wet hands returned and they rested on my shoulders. I was so struck with fear than at that moment I couldn't even move. One of the voices came to my left ear and softly spoke: "We're going to take all your fun from you now. And you're going to live in hell."

bwuoooOWHOOOOM-om-ommm-omm. This echoing blast went through my ears in less than a second. Agh, I can't see and now all I can do is feel my way around. I was on wet grass, outside... where the hell was I???

It didn't seem like hell though.. wet grass? Wasn't hell supposed to be hot and dry??

Oh geeze, I've gotta go now to my kempo class. I'll continue the story later. Please come back and read what else happened. It was craZY!..